Why I’m Predisposed to Writing in Pencil

And take issue with ink.

I realized as I was erasing doodles on a journal page that my pencil’s eraser was getting low. I’ll need to buy an eraser — maybe a polymer one from grade school.

Recently, my boss, Christine noted that I was the only one at work writing in pencil — she remarked that this must be because I’m fresh out of school. (Noticing my eraser running low made me recall this) I wonder if it isn’t for a different reason.

“I take issue with ink, I have problems with permanence” is a line I wrote a while back that sits on the shelf of my mind.

I just want to hold things for a little while, but each day decide to hold it. I recently wrote, “My goal [in writing] is shifting — to open my hands to be ready to hold space for the spiritual, if even for a moment. And I will continue to reach for that.”

I think it’s all related. On a vain note, my penmanship is far worse in ink. Could be the mental pressure; it could also be the physical. I write really hard. I push my words into the paper like my life depends on it, sometimes causing them to burst through the page. Is that not my intention? To burst forth?

I don’t know, but I like to think that everything is meaningful.